This place doesn’t deserve a paragraph. A book would be more fitting. At one time or another we’ve tried nearly all of the “best” steakhouses that make the national lists. None of them stack up to our favorite steakery in the world. Bern’s longtime slogan is “Art in Steaks,” and to the uninitiated it seems to be typical PR hype. After dining at Bern’s, you realize the slogan is an understatement. First, you’ll have to get past the gaudy red bordello-style interior. Even the dining areas don’t appear to be any better than average. A glimpse into the menu begins to change that perception and it reads like a primer in fine beef. Take the after-dinner kitchen tour and view the dry-aged, hand-cut filets, hear your host talk about the meticulousness of their own vegetable garden, witness energetic trainee servers who probably make more money than you. Steaks are ordered by cut, thickness, weight and temperature, and that’s exactly how they arrive every time. The chateaubriand is fabulous. Service is unparalleled and expectedly so—the waiters earn six-figure income and many of them have been here for 20 years or more. The a la carte menu adds the perfect accompaniments such as mushrooms, onions, creamed spinach, garlic mashed potatoes and more. Take a guided wine cellar tour and you’ll gasp at their selection of over half a million bottles. A mere 68,000 bottles are stored on-site, but oh, what a collection. There are about 200 table wines available plus another 300 Madeiras, Ports and Sherries. Bern’s has one of the biggest collections of Madeiras in the U.S., with bottles from as early as 1808 through the 20th century. And most are available by the glass. Be sure to read the final check closely as they add a 12% gratuity; if you don’t note this you might end up tipping the waiter about a third of the total—and the total will be considerable. After dinner you’re escorted upstairs to the separate dessert room and seated in private rounded booths, a smart move that more quickly turns over the tables downstairs and gives patrons a place to relax and decompress after indulging in all that red meat and wine. Even if you have to starve yourself for a day or two, the expense is worth experiencing this best-of-the-best steakhouse.